Driving home for Christmas tomorrow.
I'm going back to an empty house as my parents are still away on their annual trip to The Gambia.
I'm looking forward to seeing my friends and family so much. It has been a long time since I have seen them all and they all mean so much to me. My aim is to make time for every single one of them if I can.
I'm going to miss Manchester though - I'm only back for two weeks but this place has become my home now. I am honestly truly happy here and I am not sure how I will feel come June when I have to leave the city. I never thought I could fall in love with a place but I think I have.
Saying all that though... I still want to travel. I want to fall in love with a whole bunch of other cities. I want to make them my home and then move on to the next. One day, when I am grey and old, I will return to all these places (do a grand tour) and experiences all those memories rushing back.
Wednesday, 18 December 2013
Saturday, 14 December 2013
14th December 2013
God
A three letter word... a three letter name... a three letter piece of hope, a meaning for so many people and something I definitely struggle to understand.
But recently... after a lot of reflection... have rediscovered my belief in.
I use the word rediscover as I feel that this belief has always been inside me but has been buried deep within me for many years. I truly believe that God is real. That the beauty and wonder of the Universe cannot just be down to pure luck.
Now... as a physicist (specifically an astrophysicist) I am definitely not tossing all the theories aside. I believe that science as faith can go hand in hand. What is to say that the Big Bang is real, what is to say it's not? There is evidence for and against the theory as with the "theory" of God.
I am on a spiritual journey to understand what I truly believe. My start has taught me that I do believe - it had always been there as a natural instinct before I even understood what God and religion was. As a kid... I would always be talking to someone in my head - and no, it wasn't just an imaginary friend. From here, I want to search to understand my opinions on every thing. I want to question things - not just accepting as fact.
Life is wonderful - in fact it is magnificent. It just can not be purely chance.
A three letter word... a three letter name... a three letter piece of hope, a meaning for so many people and something I definitely struggle to understand.
But recently... after a lot of reflection... have rediscovered my belief in.
I use the word rediscover as I feel that this belief has always been inside me but has been buried deep within me for many years. I truly believe that God is real. That the beauty and wonder of the Universe cannot just be down to pure luck.
Now... as a physicist (specifically an astrophysicist) I am definitely not tossing all the theories aside. I believe that science as faith can go hand in hand. What is to say that the Big Bang is real, what is to say it's not? There is evidence for and against the theory as with the "theory" of God.
I am on a spiritual journey to understand what I truly believe. My start has taught me that I do believe - it had always been there as a natural instinct before I even understood what God and religion was. As a kid... I would always be talking to someone in my head - and no, it wasn't just an imaginary friend. From here, I want to search to understand my opinions on every thing. I want to question things - not just accepting as fact.
Life is wonderful - in fact it is magnificent. It just can not be purely chance.
Tuesday, 10 December 2013
10th December 2013
This evening I was talking to my parents on the phone. Everything was great and they're both really looking forward to their holiday when my father dropped a bombshell on me. He said casually:
No... no I did not. Apparently it didn't cross either of my parent's minds to let me know - they just assumed the other one had told me. Not only am I shocked about their lack of communication but I was shocked at how casually my father seems to be taking this.
It turns out one of her carers had stolen some of her jewellery. Now... this is rather expensive jewellery but that isn't the point. The point is that it is sentimental. All this jewellery was given to my grandmother my my dearest grandfather who sadly passed away 3 years ago. My grandfather was an amazing man and not many people realise that he was one of the biggest inspirations in my life and still is. It upsets me that anyone can be this cruel to my grandmother and I now suspect that she does not feel safe and will have even more trouble trusting people.
I then thought about all the other items in that house. It is the home my father and his sisters grew up in and it holds a lot of memories. Every single book on the bookshelf is one that my grandparents lovingly collected, all the ornaments hold a memory, the casual samurai sword and the reams of camera supplies. I just hope all of that is still there, untouched... in its rightful place. It's a physical remembrance of my grandfather and what an amazing person he truly was.
Anyway... I guess this situation just made me think how precious certain things are and especially how much of an impact one person can make on your life.
"You know your grandmother got burgled the other day.."as if to continue with the rest of the story.
No... no I did not. Apparently it didn't cross either of my parent's minds to let me know - they just assumed the other one had told me. Not only am I shocked about their lack of communication but I was shocked at how casually my father seems to be taking this.
It turns out one of her carers had stolen some of her jewellery. Now... this is rather expensive jewellery but that isn't the point. The point is that it is sentimental. All this jewellery was given to my grandmother my my dearest grandfather who sadly passed away 3 years ago. My grandfather was an amazing man and not many people realise that he was one of the biggest inspirations in my life and still is. It upsets me that anyone can be this cruel to my grandmother and I now suspect that she does not feel safe and will have even more trouble trusting people.
I then thought about all the other items in that house. It is the home my father and his sisters grew up in and it holds a lot of memories. Every single book on the bookshelf is one that my grandparents lovingly collected, all the ornaments hold a memory, the casual samurai sword and the reams of camera supplies. I just hope all of that is still there, untouched... in its rightful place. It's a physical remembrance of my grandfather and what an amazing person he truly was.
Anyway... I guess this situation just made me think how precious certain things are and especially how much of an impact one person can make on your life.
Sunday, 8 December 2013
8th December 2013
So it has come to the end of what has been an overall great weekend. It definitely started off rocky as I mentioned on Friday night but I guess you have to experience those lows to really appreciate the good stuff in life.
A friend of mine came to visit yesterday and we spent the whole day chatting in cafes. It was great to be able to talk about stuff that isn't always the easiest and great to be able to listen to her too. I think it's days like those where I really appreciate my friends and realise how wonderful they actually are.
In the evening, I went to another friend's orchestra / choir concert. It was beautiful and it reminded me how much I miss being in a choir. So now... I have a goal for next term to join the choir and just enjoy singing again for a while.
Oh and I am really loving this beautiful city at night at the moment.
I've really been thinking a lot about my beliefs and faith this weekend. This is something I need to talk about and I know who I want to talk about it with (I just have to wait a little while - they're not in the country at the moment). I always feel like thoughts make so much more sense when you express them out loud or write them down. Until then, I'm going to write them down in a personal book and try my best to understand what I'm feeling.
I have a lot to be thankful for at the moment.
A friend of mine came to visit yesterday and we spent the whole day chatting in cafes. It was great to be able to talk about stuff that isn't always the easiest and great to be able to listen to her too. I think it's days like those where I really appreciate my friends and realise how wonderful they actually are.
In the evening, I went to another friend's orchestra / choir concert. It was beautiful and it reminded me how much I miss being in a choir. So now... I have a goal for next term to join the choir and just enjoy singing again for a while.
Oh and I am really loving this beautiful city at night at the moment.
I've really been thinking a lot about my beliefs and faith this weekend. This is something I need to talk about and I know who I want to talk about it with (I just have to wait a little while - they're not in the country at the moment). I always feel like thoughts make so much more sense when you express them out loud or write them down. Until then, I'm going to write them down in a personal book and try my best to understand what I'm feeling.
I have a lot to be thankful for at the moment.
Friday, 6 December 2013
6th December 2013
It has been a few days since I posted and I guess quite a lot has happened and made me think but today has been one of those emotion roller coaster days.
This morning I woke and went straight to my 8:40 doctors appointment. I won't go in to the details as I don't feel that is suitable but I was diagnosed today after 3 and a half years of umming and ahhing from multiple doctors and nurses. In a way, it feels great to finally know exactly what is going on with my body and that I am now prepared for any challenges I face. On the other hand, it terrifies me - it leaves me with a lot of uncertainties in my future. I've realised however, especially over the past few months, that this diagnosis does not define me and yes, it may make certain situations in my life slightly more difficult, but it does not affect me every day. At the end of the day, I'm just happy I now have a definite diagnosis.
This evening however was a very relaxing and reflective time. I went to the carol service with the netball girls. I ran in to a friend from home so it was lovely to catch up. The carols were great - I always forget how much I love singing in a crowd. BUT the main thing from the night was on a completely different level.
I felt a connection. I truly am starting to believe there is something more... a higher power.... a God. As a young child I always spoke to what I though to be God despite my parents being atheist. I used to truly believe he was there. I guess I was around 6 years old when I started questioning it. From the age of 6 to 13 I didn't know what I believed but did however question it the entire time. After 13 years, I think I just gave up trying to work it out. I resided to the idea that I was never going to know for sure so how could I possibly believe in something that there was no "evidence" for. I am now 21 and this year, for the first time in many and for some particular reasons, I have started reflecting again. I have even started praying. Now... when I say praying it may not be your conventional idea, maybe it is, but I feel a connection and that is relighting something that I think used to exist inside the 6 year old me.
The connection I felt tonight was strong. It felt like he was telling me that everything with regards to my health is going to be alright and that I am starting my life on the right track. One of the speakers today led a prayer which had the theme of "I'm sorry and thank you". I took this in my own way to mean "I'm sorry for the 8 years that I have neglected my faith and thank you for accepting me back and helping me understand myself.".
I just want to point out though that I am not connecting myself to any particular religion. I am still trying to work out what I personally believe. I find myself becoming interested in learning more about different religions and faiths - trying to see if any agree with what I believe. If that fits with a particular religion... then that's great. If not... that's fine too because I know it's what I truly believe and that is what is important to me.
This morning I woke and went straight to my 8:40 doctors appointment. I won't go in to the details as I don't feel that is suitable but I was diagnosed today after 3 and a half years of umming and ahhing from multiple doctors and nurses. In a way, it feels great to finally know exactly what is going on with my body and that I am now prepared for any challenges I face. On the other hand, it terrifies me - it leaves me with a lot of uncertainties in my future. I've realised however, especially over the past few months, that this diagnosis does not define me and yes, it may make certain situations in my life slightly more difficult, but it does not affect me every day. At the end of the day, I'm just happy I now have a definite diagnosis.
This evening however was a very relaxing and reflective time. I went to the carol service with the netball girls. I ran in to a friend from home so it was lovely to catch up. The carols were great - I always forget how much I love singing in a crowd. BUT the main thing from the night was on a completely different level.
I felt a connection. I truly am starting to believe there is something more... a higher power.... a God. As a young child I always spoke to what I though to be God despite my parents being atheist. I used to truly believe he was there. I guess I was around 6 years old when I started questioning it. From the age of 6 to 13 I didn't know what I believed but did however question it the entire time. After 13 years, I think I just gave up trying to work it out. I resided to the idea that I was never going to know for sure so how could I possibly believe in something that there was no "evidence" for. I am now 21 and this year, for the first time in many and for some particular reasons, I have started reflecting again. I have even started praying. Now... when I say praying it may not be your conventional idea, maybe it is, but I feel a connection and that is relighting something that I think used to exist inside the 6 year old me.
The connection I felt tonight was strong. It felt like he was telling me that everything with regards to my health is going to be alright and that I am starting my life on the right track. One of the speakers today led a prayer which had the theme of "I'm sorry and thank you". I took this in my own way to mean "I'm sorry for the 8 years that I have neglected my faith and thank you for accepting me back and helping me understand myself.".
I just want to point out though that I am not connecting myself to any particular religion. I am still trying to work out what I personally believe. I find myself becoming interested in learning more about different religions and faiths - trying to see if any agree with what I believe. If that fits with a particular religion... then that's great. If not... that's fine too because I know it's what I truly believe and that is what is important to me.
Sunday, 1 December 2013
1st December 2013
Happy December everyone! This is one of my favourite months of the year because of (prepare for a typical Frankie list):
Now the reason I was going to post today was for another reason (I got a little bit sidetracked). I guess in the festive spirit I've been thinking about the people I love and why I love them so much. I wanted to make a post for them. Below is a list of reasons why I love particular people but it is anonymous. I guess if they read this - they'll know who they are but I don't think names are needed for this reason. No order either (not that I have used a random number generator either).
- The feeling of walking in to a warm, cosy flat after a long walk in the cold city.
- All the festive lighting really makes the city look so much better. I honestly wish it looked like this every time of year. It's literally my bedroom on a larger scale.
- Everything smells amazing. Maybe it's the cold air that really makes the sweet smell of bakeries and coffee waft easier.
- Drinking hot drinks is even better (and its an amazingly satisfying thing any time of year any way).
- I have an excuse to listen to Christmas jazz and cook festive themed foods.
- Starbucks and cafe nero have their festive drinks... toffee nut and praline lattes - YES PLEASE.
- Everyone is generally in a better mood which in turn makes me in a better mood.
Now the reason I was going to post today was for another reason (I got a little bit sidetracked). I guess in the festive spirit I've been thinking about the people I love and why I love them so much. I wanted to make a post for them. Below is a list of reasons why I love particular people but it is anonymous. I guess if they read this - they'll know who they are but I don't think names are needed for this reason. No order either (not that I have used a random number generator either).
- We are ridiculously similar yet manage to not annoy each other (that much). I know that even if we don't have an extremely close friendship that I can talk to you if I need to and that we are always there for each other.
- You may be on the other side of the continent to me at the moment but you will always be the first person I think of when I need a lift. You have a "whatever" attitude that is occasionally needed to remind me not to take life too seriously.
- I am your mini-me and I will always look up to you as a strong, passionate and extremely intelligent woman. I never talk highly enough of you but I really should because you are that one constant in my life that I know will never change.
- I've only known you for a short amount of time but you really have changed my life. You haven't changed who I am but you have made me reflect more. I guess you're the reason for this blog actually. You make me see life in a brighter light and spending time with you is the most wonderful feeling in the world.
- We are far too similar for our own good and although you and I have annoyed each other a lot throughout these 21 years, I still love you deeply, especially our chats about space, technology and physics.
- You are the kindest person I have ever met in my entire life. I cannot imagine you ever saying a single bad thing and you really brighten up my day.
- You introduced me to a group of wonderful people and I know that you have always been there from the day I met you. We have been through quite a lot together and although we may not be as close as some other people, I know that we understand each other.
- You are my agony aunt (uncle), the brother I never had and you mean so much to me. We met by luck I guess, could have been paired with anyone but it was you... and we got on like a house on fire. I just hope that I am as much of a support for you as you are for me.
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