30th November 2013

SO as the month draws to an end and December begins there are a few things I would like to reflect upon.

I have realised in the past few months that spending time with the right people has a large effect on life and how you view it but does not change any integral part of you.  A person is the same person they were when they were a toddler:  You may grow, learn and become a "better" person but your core personality and traits are there from the start.  I believe that these traits are stronger at particular points in your life and suppressed at other times.
Take for instance - imagination... this is strong as a child with no fear of being incorrect yet as we age our fear of failure grows.  I was discussing my Masters' project with a friend the other day and realised that I have just been agreeing with the current theory but what is to say that this theory is fact? What is there to lose if I suggest an alternate theory?

Another thing I want to reflect upon is that of the consumer side of Christmas.  I have been brought up believing Christmas was a time of family and love.  However, my parents are also those that like to show their love through giving.  Now... do not get me wrong - I am extremely appreciative of everything my parents have given me throughout my life, material or otherwise... BUT I honestly do not feel the need for the excessive spending.  I, too, love to give gifts and see a person's reaction but much rather these gifts to be a random, loving, caring item rather than "Just because it's Christmas".  I guess I'm mentioning this because I am coming to the end of my University degree and realise that I am soon going to REALLY be making a life of my own.  I just want to do stuff MY way.

SO there we go... that's a couple of things I have been thinking of recently. 

21st November 2013

I realised today that I need to concentrate more on myself.  I have always aimed to make other people happy and I take great pride in that BUT... it's time to focus on me.  It may sound selfish but I feel that it is needed.  I have spent a great deal of my life burrowing my emotions, my feelings and spirituality.  I've been telling myself it doesn't matter and that I should just be striving for success in ways everyone else can see. 

Lately I have realised... I don't want that. Sure, it's great to have things and not have to worry about material possessions but all I honestly want is to live a happy and full life.  For a large proportion of my teenage years I was unhappy and I've been slowly recovering since.  Even though the depression is long gone, I feel that there are still remnants that are slowly being chipped away.  My life is so much brighter and fuller than it was back then and I want to continue this way but I want to make it better. 

I want to live life with a positive attitude: to find things and people that I love and commit my time to them.

19th November 2013

I let stress get to me today...

I snapped at someone when there was no need to. But then I calmed myself and relaxed, apologised and got on with the rest of the day.

This is an improvement... normally I have to remove myself from the room, be by myself for a bit to calm.

Other than this... I feel like I had a rather constructive day with regards to work and I am now enjoying a relaxing evening. Maybe it is time to reflect on life. I will let you know how that goes tomorrow.

18th November 2013

I have decided today to create a blog where I can reflect on certain aspects of my life and keep it all in one place.  I suppose this will be my version of a diary.  I feel the need to write my thoughts down otherwise I am scared I will forget them or maybe not realise the true meaning of them. 

The other day I wrote a few lists which I am going to start this blog off with.

Goals in life and things that I want out of life:
(Some of these are more practical, physically attainable goals whereas some are emotional; all are of high importance to me in life.)

• Finish and be proud of my degree in Physics with Astrophysics.
• Start my graduate job as a "Rocket Scientist" and develop skills within the workplace.
• Get a PhD in an area of research which interests me. 
• Live in another country and see the world.
• Obtain a PGCE in secondary education of Science (or equivalent qualification in another country) and teach - hope to inspire the next generation of scientists and engineers.
• Open a bakery in a beautiful part of the world. 
• Find those that I love and keep them close for the rest of my life. 
• Become a positive, well rounded and inspired human being.

Things I should do less:

• Worry about my health: my body is the way it is and it could be a whole lot worse.
• Criticise myself and others.
• Worry about what people think of me - I have recently realised that I am never going to please everyone.

Things I should do more: 

•  Think about the bigger picture and explore my faith and what it means to me - What do I really believe?
• Have meaningful discussions with people and don't dodge around certain areas just because it may be uncomfortable. 
• Thank people for being amazing and tell them why I appreciate knowing them.
•  Write down perfect moment and special thoughts so that I will never forget them (in case of amnesia etc.)
• Learn Russian. 

SO there are my lists of things I wish to develop.  I will use this blog as a haven for me to process my thoughts, my experiences and my emotions.  Hopefully I will see a development in myself as time passes.